and have been treated by an internist, urologist, and family physician, all of whom prescribed oral ED medications (the three notable ones), each with varying results and side effects.
It has been particularly distressing to have ED, especially at a relatively young age. My situation is further complicated by an unrelated urological condition known as avoidant paruresis (shy bladder syndrome). Since after college, I have not been able to pee in public restroom urinals with other people present. This is the result of having been hit on several times in public restrooms by gay men (not that I have anything against gay men; I just dont want any overtures from them), by difficulty getting urine to flow, and otherwise by modesty (I dont even blow my nose in public). Fortunately, I have a private bathroom at the office, but when I travel, you can only imagine how challenging paruresis is to manage.
These particular problems of mine are unusual; they result in deep feelings of discouragement, inadequacy, and anxiety. I cant produce or maintain a hard on sufficient for sex with my wifeand so we have had virtually no sex in the past two years, despite our mutual interest. The pills (tadalafil 20mg, sildenafil citrate, etc.) at varying dosages, rarely produce consistent, desirable effects. I often think that my wife deserves something bettersomeone who can satisfy her need for sexual intimacy. And of course I feel a great sense of deprivation. Other men my age are having great sex with their wives; why cant I like I used to
With these distressing urological problems, I am often tempted with selfish questions: Why me Why did God allow this to happen to me
But I have come to consider over the past couple months a contrasting thought: Why not me There is really nothing about who I am as a person that should exempt me from any problem common or uncommon to man. The reality is everyone in this world has problems, some greater than others, others more or less common.
Its just that these particular urological issues strike at the core of a mans identity and sense of virility. So that it what I am dealing with lately. I look forward to discovering the insights offered in this forum.